What I meant to say was...

A few years ago, we dropped my daughter off for her first day of kindergarten. It was exactly as I'd expected it would be. Filled with both sadness and pride, fear and promise. The school principal in his infinite wisdom, invited all the sniffling, waving parents to the library to sit in tiny chairs and write letters to our little ones. Letters he suggested giving to them perhaps upon graduation or some other such tear-jerking event.

The letter has been sealed in anticipation of just such a day, since I wrote it and my recolection of what I jotted down between laughter and tears has faded. But I was thinking the other day about what I SHOULD have written. Some truths and surprises that she could actually use as true wisdom... or not.

1) Telling you the truth about Santa was much harder than you know.

2) Sometimes I knew what you were up to but decided not to intervene either because I chose to let you make your own mistake or because I was just too exhausted to get involved.

3) Yes I did eat the last cookie.

4) Much of parenting is learning how to make hypocracy work. "Do not as I do" is a tough justification to make.

5) I threw out your old, broken McDonalds toys.

6) While watching you sleep, I was often overwhelmed by my love for you.

7) Yes, sometimes your stories got old and no, you weren't always the smartest one in the class. But you were ALWAYS the most important thing in my whole world.

8) More than once, I had to struggle to keep a straight face when scolding you.

9) I really DO just hope that you choose a path that both enlightens you AND makes you joyful.

10) You won't know the true depth of any of this until you have a child of your own.

When Insult Meets Injury...

So after three days of fever, River's temp finally hit a high of 103.5 this morning. She just laid there, limp and unresponsive with her eyes glazed over. No smiles, no whines... nothing. I administered some tylenol and called the doctor. They insisted that I rush her in asap.

...Commence the long drive while trying to make deals with God.

One catheter and two needles later, we get the results that clear her of any kind of bacterial infection. She's just got a run of the mill virus. I will treat her symptomaticaly at home for the next couple of days. Meanwhile, she and daddy and I were a sobbing mess at the office. Having to hold her tiny little body down so that they could insert a catheter and then again while they poked her and missed and then poked her again. *shuddering* She finally gave in to the trauma of it all and just went catatonic. It was heartbreaking. E said "It would have been better if she'd just kept crying. I could deal with that. But going limp that way..." he trails off just shaking his head and wiping away tears.

It's been a rough week in our house. I'm sooo hoping that it will be followed by lots of health and wellness.

We're back home now and she's sleeping off the rough morning. I'm trying not to look at the angry bruises on her arm as I'd like to stop crying some time today.

Lots of love!!